Cam Newton. Duke and Dutchess of Cambridge. Osama bin Laden. These three names were the three biggest names of this past weekend (Thursday, April 28 – Sunday, May 1), and possibly the three biggest names to appear on the same weekend this year, this decade, this lifetime, EVER.
So many gigantic events occurred this weekend – two that were expected, and one event that not even the best gambler would place a bet to happen. This unexpected one I am referring to of course is the Osama bin Laden story.
Oh, I’m sorry: if you haven’t heard the news already US President Barrack Obama initiated a US Navy Seals operation Sunday morning to invade a Pakistan mansion-house, where good intelligence had as the hiding place of worldwide criminal Osama bin Laden. According to the president, this intelligence had been made available to him in August, and until this past week he had not decided to go forth with the operation, risking American lives. No American soldiers were hurt in the operation, and bin Laden was killed – shot in the head – and the Navy Seals had possession of his body.
However, in a dramatic twist, reports say bin Laden’s dead body was dumped at sea – of course, leaving for the possibility of a ‘Transformers 2’ outcome where some of bin Laden’s alien species friends fly down from the ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ (the name of ‘Transformers 3’) and speed down the depths of the ocean to reignite his all-spark and fly back up to the moon, with bin Laden, to reevaluate the situation at hand, and eventually mount a rebuttal that nearly ends the life of Shiah LaBeouf, until Megan Fox finally leans over him to tell him that she loves him, and then LaBeouf dramatically bursts to life.
In the end, Optomis Prime ends up killing one of bin Laden’s friends, but bin Laden gets away, setting the stage for a third movie, which I believe will be released this summer.
Yeah… bin Laden is dead. Now, unleash the endless chanting of “USA, USA, USA,” like it’s the start of the third period in the movie ‘Miracle’ and the fans are rooting hard for the US Olympic hockey team to beat the Soviet Union.
For those of you under a rock this past weekend, that news flash was for you. But that event was actually the last to happen on this amazing weekend. Let’s go back, let’s go back.
Thursday, a record 25 college football players attended the NFL draft, and NFL commissioner Roger Goddell was booed during every pick of the first round – I bet he was really happy to get the heck out of there after that night, because he doesn’t have to host the second through seventh rounds of the NFL draft. His confidence in himself dropped like a bolder from a top of a building.
It was probably to Goddell’s disadvantage that the first round of the draft went so fast. After the first hour, we already had like five or six picks, which is a rarity for the NFL draft – historically the longest draft known to man. The draft went so fast that Goddell had no time whatsoever to regroup after being booed off the stage the first time, second time, third time, and so on.
As is always the highlight of the NFL draft each year, the first pick was owned by the Carolina Panthers. They picked fan-favorite Cam Newton, the quarterback from Auburn who won a Heisman Trophy, a Division-I national championship and a JUCO national title – all in two years.
The NFL draft is America’s royal wedding, where the young stars of tomorrow marry the teams that they will be counted on, in most cases, to bring back to life from the dead. The draft has a little bit of wedding, and a little bit of war, too. They call them “war rooms” and they showed maybe a dozen teams’ war rooms during the draft. The war room is the place where the front office and coaching staff of an NFL team gather to decide who to pick in what situations, what to do with their picks, where to trade picks, how to get more picks, etc.
This war room is not to be confused with the war room where President Obama, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, and the rest of ’em sat and waited for confirmation from the US Navy Seals that the bearded man, whose eyes were shot out, was in fact Osama bin Laden. However, when Patrick Peterson dropped to the Arizona Cardinals, it’s safe to say the celebration of picking him vs. the celebration of killing Obama were similar in style; however, I don’t want to degrade the importance of killing bin Laden vs. the importance of taking the best defensive back in the draft with the No. 5 overall pick. Bin Laden’s death is far more important.
To add to the night of excitement Thursday, I sat in my dorm room watching as both Mark Ingram and DaQuan Bowers fell close to the Green Bay Packers pick. Until Adam Schefter had to come out in public and jinx the Ingram falling to the Packers, the possibility of that happening looked probable, and then Ingram went to the New Orleans Saints, who traded back into the first round to pick Ingram – kind of like the Denver Broncos did last year for Tim Tebow.
The only thing that could have made the night better was the Packers picking Bowers with the 32nd pick in the NFL draft. But the Packers didn’t. They took some offensive lineman named Sherrod from Mississippi State, but I’m sure he’ll end up being more important to the Packers than Bowers would’ve anyway. I no longer question the Packers front office decisions.
I didn’t end up going to sleep Thursday night, because I stayed up with the millions of Americans to watch the live airing of the Royal Wedding between Kate Middleton and Prince William, which aired at 4 p.m. CT in America. I watched it simultaneously on YouTube’s Royal Wedding Channel, CBS News online, and E! Online. But for more details about me watching the event, refer back to my next most recent blog before this one.
The Royal Wedding was a huge event. In fact, I was calling it the event of the past two decades; of course, until Sunday, which might have changed things. However, I think I speak for the rest of the world when I say TLC went a little overboard on the Royal Wedding stuff, as did the Women’s Entertainment Channel. I mean really, you are allowed to show all the wedding features about William and Kate all day and night Friday, and a little Saturday; however, when the Women’s Entertainment Channel is showing an hour-long film about Prince William being the most eligible bachelor in the world, it’s a little bit of overkill seeing as he’s not an eligible bachelor anymore.
He’s married! And when TLC shows a film about preparation for the wedding and a film about if Kate is the next Diana over and over again, and I’ve seen in three or more times already, that’s overkill. Especially when it’s unfair to compare Kate to Diana. Diana came in 1982. Kate came in 2011. Diana was a young 19-year-old, not ready to take on the position she was about to have, while Kate is 29-years old and seems more than ready and willing to be princess. Through my eyes, Kate will be a great princess, and queen when that time comes. Personally, I hope for the best for Kate, to live a long happy life with William.
The Royal Wedding hubbub spilled into Sunday, which was the official last day of the Royal Wedding Marathon Weekend on TLC. (Whew!) But as soon as I thought the craziness was over, it was about 9:30 and my girlfriend accidentally switched the TV over to channel 10 – the channel for CBS with our cable provider. On CBS, I saw “CBS News Special Report: Osama bin Laden dead”
“Hold it,” I told my girlfriend. I felt like my eyes needed to adjust to the TV because I didn’t think I was seeing things right. Oh but I was. And I figured out that it was really happening after the CBS news anchor asked the same questions at least 5 times over while the world waited for President Obama to make his announcement, which came something like an hour after it was supposed to.
The progression of “special reports” on all of the news networks was something like this: Celebrity Apprentice got interrupted on NBC for the NBC news to pop up and say, “The President is going to make an important statement,” as if they didn’t know what he was going to say. And then, after time of waiting for the president, the news started to be broken – Osama is dead. Or as one anchor announced it, on a news network not to be named, “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Osama bin Laden is dead.”
Then of course, Obama made his announcement and was re-elected for his second term of presidency on the spot! (That part is a joke) Seriously, though, Obama just did about the biggest thing I can remember a president doing in my lifetime to assure himself of re-election. That is going to take him far. I don’t know if it will take him all the way, but boy, that is just huge, HUGE. Osama’s death is like the trump card for the still poor economy and all of the health care problems. When people heard Osama was killed by the US military, it was like the whole nation forgot we still have troops overseas. Everyone was just imagining their dream round of Call of Duty: Black Ops “Team Deathmatch.” I know I was.
The guys who killed Osama were Navy Seals, they might not have been any older than college aged guys. Imagine what they were thinking going into this mention. If you can’t imagine, let me imagine for you…
“This is so much cooler than ‘Crisis’ on Black Ops.”
“I’m gunna’ get first blood on this bastard.”
“Do we use mics for this? Can I mute Ben? I hate hearing Ben talk!”
“Boys, we just need to make sure one person is carrying the sniper class, one is carrying a rocket launcher for when they reach chopper gunner status, and we need to have other people with automatic guns.”
“I’m going to camo the shit out of my AK-47.”
“You have an AK-47? Shoot, I’m not even to that rank yet.”
“If I hit Osama with the tomahawks then you guys all have to blow me!”
It was a 12-year-old’s COD wet-dream. I imagine these Navy Seals might play some COD in their free time on the base, to train to kill the enemy. So, it wouldn’t be too far past them to do a Tiger Woods fist pump when they hit their first “killstreak.” If this were a real round of COD, I’m sure the person who killed Osama would get to prestige like 100 times after the round was over.
On Monday, after all of the chaos, me and my roommate Danny watched The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. On The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert pointed out an interesting piece of footage from the President’s Correspondents Dinner. Guest speaker Seth Myers made a joke at the beginning of his 20-minute speech about Osama bin Laden (remember, this speech was Saturday, a day before the news of Osama being killed).
“Most people think Osama bin Laden is hiding in the mountains somewhere on the boarder of Afghanistan, but he actually hosts a show from 4-5 on CSPAN,” Myers said. Seconds later, the camera ironically shows a picture of President Obama, who is cracking up with one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen him have.
According to Colbert, President Obama was sitting there thinking, “HAHAHA, I’m about to kill the bastard!” If you haven’t seen Myers’ speech, go check it out. It’s really good. He owns Donald Trump in it. Also, watch the president’s speech at the dinner also, he does a good job of making people laugh. I laughed a lot at his speech.
So many things happened this weekend! To date, it’s probably one of the greatest weekends I can remember, and quite possibly could have been the greatest weekend in human history. The NFL draft made it a regular weekend for the NFL draft. The Royal Wedding made the weekend especially unique. Then, when we killed Osama, we put the icing on the cake for a gigantic weekend for the history books.
When a large group of sports fans can be watching the Phillies and Mets play, check their cell phones and then see that we killed Osama, Sunday night, and then start chanting “USA, USA, USA,” during the game, which went into extra innings, you know something special happened. The only thing that could have made the weekend any better was if the Packers magically won the Super Bowl again.
There, a sports reference.